Hear me

Today my inability to hear overwhelmed me.

I started losing my hearing at around 15.  My mother thought I didn’t pay attention, but my grandfather, who sold hearing aids, tested me and found my hearing loss.  I well remember sitting at his kitchen table and wearing a heavy set of headphones.  He graphed my loss, showed me the graph, and called my mother.

I’ve had my hearing tested again several times since then.  Most recently, a Kansas City audiologist charted a 60-decibel loss in my left ear and a 30-decibel loss  in my right ear.  If I had a couple-three grand lying around, I’d be fitted for hearing aids.  Since I don’t, I’m still trying to teach myself lip-reading and making feeble guesses at what people have said.

I try to tell people that I can’t hear.  Someone with whom I regularly converse speaks softly and regardless of how many times I ask her to speak louder, she does not.  I don’t yell at her; I just ask her to repeat, tell her I can’t hear, and try to figure out what I’m missing.  Today I broke down:  I started crying. I told her, “Please, please.  I cannot hear you.  I feel terrible having to constantly wonder what you’ve said and ask you to repeat yourself.  I feel so bad. Could you just talk louder?”  I fell silent; she apologized and retreated.  I drew in a deep breath and told myself, “This, too, shall pass.”

Tonight on Ted Radio, I heard Temple Grandin speak about overcoming her autism and turning her supposed weakness into a strength.  I’ve heard Ms. Grandin speak on prior occasions, but not with this precise slant.   Turning your weaknesses into strengths.  I like that concept.

I am not yet certain how I will turn my hearing loss into  strength, but I’ll find a way.  I suspect that one clear option will be to turn my frustration into empathy for others whose weaknesses from time to time overcome them, as mine did me, today.

 

 

For those of you who are interested, here is a link to the Ted Radio Hour on “Overcoming”.

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