Exceptions to every rule

This weekend, I heard an episode of Prairie Home Companion which included a supposedly humorous song about what method of suicide a father would use to escape his responsibility. I found myself slowing the car and listening with incredulity. A verse or two later, Mr. Keillor sang about the father having six or eight children and then “getting a vasectomy so he wouldn’t have any grandchildren”.

I snapped the radio off and pulled over to the curb. I tried to conceptualize on what planet suicide and incest would be considered funny. In what galaxy is making songs for a family radio program with slap-happy context about taking one’s life or having sex with one’s children,  considered a reasonable way to make light of extraordinarily serious subjects?

As the sister of a person who committed suicide and being close to others who have tried or felt like trying, I think about suicide as tragic, the act of someone who finds his or her life insurmountably overwhelming or inescapably painful. Dying seems to such people to be the only way to escape, the last resort for relieving oneself of the flood of suffering. How can that be considered amusing? Even as one who will crack jokes at funerals about the natural appearance of the casket-dwellers, I would not ridicule the act of taking one’s own life. I wonder — am I overly sensitive?

As for the idea that we should laugh at a man getting a vasectomy to avoid procreating with his own children, I have no words to convey my disgust. Again, I contemplate my reaction and ask myself if I am simply humor-impaired. I don’t think so, though. I once had a foster son who, at age six, had FIVE documented suicide attempts on account of being sexually abused by his stepfather and various other men. The clients and children of clients whom I serve in Juvenile Court invariably have some trail of sexual abuse rifling their history. This is simple not a funny subject.  I might have made a stupid joke about Arkansas girls and their brothers twenty-five years ago, but in the intervening years, I have found out that those jokes echo reality.

After continuing on my journey home, I thought about what I had heard and whether I should do anything about my feelings. I logged onto the Internet and found an email address for the show. I tried to phrase my thoughts in a way that did not sound like complaining. I’m not sure I succeeded.

But on this issue, I’m willing to cut myself a little slack. It just ain’t funny, and I’m okay with saying so.

7 thoughts on “Exceptions to every rule

  1. Pat

    Having heard the song I think you are referring to, I took it to be saying the guy thought by having a vasectomy himself he would keep his kids from having kids—not kids by him. It says so he Wouldn’t have grandchildren, not so he wouldn’t have more himself. Sort of like the song was saying that was how stupid the guy was. But then I have always liked the song about the guy that used to love his wife so much, but then couldn’t stand her, so he killed her, and now he is feeling better. Then I heard that a real guy actually downloaded that very song just a few hours before killing his own wife, and they tried to introduce the download as evidence in the murder trial. hmmmmm.

    Reply
  2. Cindy Cieplik

    Hello!
    Heard the song about suicide on the program–and I don’t remember hearing anything implying incest.
    (didn’t stay with the program) The suicide song had a twist at the end–I think Keillor was singing about himself–so there was some forgiveness in there that softened the whole thing, or perhaps better stated–he was poking fun at himself. I may be off the mark here–I just remember thinking that.

    Suicide is not a fun or funny topic. I do believe that someone who has attempted suicide might use song or verse as part of the healing process, and if humor is used in that context, so be it. Never ever to poke fun at someone’s deep despair, cry for help, or plea to end the pain. (pain in it’s broadest definition)
    I have been involved with several suicide attempts and consummated suicides both personally and professionally. and witnessed and felt the devastating effects on those left behind. My heart bleeds for those left behind. I’ve also been on caregiving teams that felt responsible for patient suicides–there is no experience worse than that for a professional caregiver.

    Incest is another matter, and I totally agree with you, it just ain’t funny–at all. Ever. End of story.

    Reply
    1. ccorleyjd365 Post author

      To me the line was unequivocal. He said the father had three children and then three children more, and had a vasectomy to keep himself from having grandchildren. If he had six children already, a vasectomy would not prevent grandchildren unless he was having sex with one of the six children he already had. I would pull it up and listen to it again but it made me sick the first time I heard it. Unfunny.

      Reply
  3. Susan M

    Corinne, I totally agree with you, on both counts. Only those who have not lived with the ramifications of suicide or incest can claim that either topic is funny.. I’m glad that you wrote the staff of Prairie Home Companion. They definitely needed to hear your thoughts!

    Reply
  4. Theresa

    Humor is a funny thing (pun intended). What makes some people roar with laughter often has the potential to give a terrible and shocking jolt to others. I have heard comedians say that making fun of tragedy diffuses its power by staring it down and laughing at it. On some level, I get that. But I am not a fan of the kind of humor that gets the laugh at the expense of the feelings of people who are struggling with the effects of these tragedies in their real lives. Besides the two subjects you talk about, Corinne, there are other subjects that I don’t like being used as “material” for entertainers, particularly when they poke fun at innocents. If they want to poke fun at themselves — fine! and thank you! But don’t make fun of vulnerable groups of people. I could go on an on here … I LOVE TO LAUGH!!!! So it’s interesting that I am so picky about what I think is fair game for comics! Glad you took your observation (I’m not calling it a complaint!) and brought it to their attention.

    Reply
  5. Joyce (the grateful PUMA)

    Just last week, tragically, my good friend’s 23 year old son, who I watched grow from childhood, through drug abuse, to hundreds of thousands of dollars spent on curing the addiction, to two and one half years as a clean adult, commit suicide, by shotgun to his head.

    I got there before they removed the body and tried desperately to help my distraught friend deal with the police refusing to allow her to seem him.

    It is terrible and using it to make a comedic point is not fun for those who suffer. However, every Mother’s and Father’s Day, I feel the same way.
    jk

    Reply
  6. Linda Overton

    Maybe only people whose lives have not been touched by these problems can think they are objects for fun. I don’t think either is in any way funny. It may be true that the song was portraying the man as being so stupid he thought that by getting a vasectomy he could prevent grandchildren. But either way, it is tasteless and disgusting to anyone who has lived through either the suicide of a loved one or incest. You do not need to wonder if you complained about that, because even if they consider it a complaint, it is totally justified.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *