Today the hard truths of life hammer my heart.
People crash into my life and then stagger back out. One task after another presents itself; I push against my limitations, frustrated. I gather my standards and my wits around me, blindly stumbling down pitted highways. Most of all, I bite my tongue; I tell myself, over and over, Don’t complain; just keep walking.
The most and least that I can say for myself remains consistent. I strove to be genuine at every turn. The same qualities evoke devotion or hostility depending on the beholder’s vantage point. My independence, my persistence, my steadfastness, my intelligence gain praise and condemnation at either end of a relationship. On meeting me, people exclaim over my fierce individuality; on leaving me, they declaim the same quality with equal vehemence.
I do not change. I just keep walking.
Whatever I have been or become depends not on my aim to please, but on my dedication to growth. I take baby steps. Sometimes I fall. I keep walking.
Whatever else I am, whatever else I become, you can count on this: I have no artifice. And I will keep walking, though the road stretches long before me and the journey unfolds with the eerie silence of solitude. Break the silence with your song. I will be glad of the companionship. But if you wish to fly, I will not hold you hostage. I will bid you farewell with as much compassion and understanding as I can manage. I hold no grudges. I take no prisoners.
It’s the thirtieth day of the fifty-fifth month of My Year Without Complaining. Life continues.