When you ask people how they are, they usually reply, “Oh, I can’t complain.  Well, I’d complain, but nobody would care!”  The lady who waited on me at the HyVee last night handed me that line. I told her that I, for one, would care, and invited her to complain away. She seemed a bit taken aback and perhaps a little offended.

The exchange set me to wondering what people expect from their interactions.  I talk to clerks every day.  I try to lay some pleasantry on them: comment on their names, their appearance, all favorably.  I lug my bags to the car and ruminate over what has transpired, perhaps somewhat obsessively.  Have I behaved in a manner that met that person’s need to be treated decently by customers?  That’s my goal.  That’s where I aim.

I cast my mind back to interactions where I haven’t done so.  Recently:  The Google Fiber guy, the tenth or fifteenth technician to try to get our Google Fiber working. While he was out moving his van from the handicapped space in front of our house, my son raised his eyebrows at me.  Mom, he remarked.  That man is a guest in our home and you just chewed him out for where he parked.  Guilty as charged.

The net goes back farther:  Waitresses at whom I’ve snapped; the pharmacy clerk — though admittedly, nobody likes her; the office personnel at a doctor’s office where I was trying to get records.  I’m a little ashamed.  Gosh, I find myself wondering:  I was pretty awful; I sure hope I’ve changed.

The conversation with the Google Fiber guy rose to a happier level as we sat and experimented with new settings.  I haven’t chewed out a server in quite a while, maybe months, maybe a year.  The people in most — if not all — of my current doctors’ offices seem to like me, which I think indicates that I’ve managed to treat them all well.

I drove through Starbucks in Liberty recently and told the young man at the window that everyone who works there overwhelms me with niceness.  He flashed a brilliant smile.  That’s how we roll here, he told me.

I like it.  I really like it.  I think I’ll roll along in that direction for a while, and see what shakes out.  As for the HyVee lady, I’ll recognize her, and next time, I’ll try to seem more genuine, if that was the problem; or at least, I’ll give her a chance to see that one or two people in the world would care about her complaints, and maybe even empathize.  And I’m one of them.