The face of negativity peers at me like the reflection in a mirror.  I lean forward, trace the furrows on the brow, squint to bring the image into focus.  Every action flashes back in pristine imitation.

What would happen if I smiled instead?  Would the eyes fixed on mine  return my shine?

I had a running electronic discussion with a client yesterday.  She had hit a pothole of despair.  She’s dealing with a scorned ex-boyfriend who has snatched their child and harnessed his anger into an onslaught of lies about her character and her mental health.  Her tortured words reflect his condemnation of her.  I transmitted rapidly constructed paragraphs praising her tenacity in the face of his fury; promising industry in her defense; expressing understanding of her pain.   By afternoon’s end, her writing took on a different tone.  She sent pictures of her son, and finally, said this:

“I can’t say this caused me to cry my eyes swollen… Because I already have…. But your sweet thoughtful heart changed the way my tears felt. Simply, I thank you…. For being you. You deserve each and every blessing you are offered and so many more!!!”

I ask myself a hundred times each day what my purpose in life could possibly be.  Loneliness tugs me downward into the muck of self-pity and complaint.  Sometimes from within the quagmire of my own despair, I spy another unhappy soul.  My desire to save them drives me from the depths.   I raise my arms and let the weeping heavens wash me clean.   A filthy mirror cannot reflect the light.

It’s the twenty-eighth day of the thirty-second month of My [Endless] Year Without Complaining.  Life continues.




2 thoughts on “Reflections

  1. A

    Tuesday I was knocked over at the door after 41 days of not holding my heart. With a giant hug and an “I missed you so much mommy!!” After working my long night shift I drove directly to my parents home and heard how he had exclaimed how much he had missed me during our family Thanksgiving Eve tradition of fireworks and Christmas in the park. So many sweet moments just since Tuesday that now, after a morning of cuddles and playing puppets with his favorite plush toys, until 10AM when he left for Thanksgiving with his father, I have been wide awake reading so much raw, beautiful, honesty.

    Of course you see imitation. The day that I met you, you impressed, inspired, and gave me back hope that I had lost. Not only I but, a law student who was just given a winter break job working for a Judge with The Missouri State Appellate Court! He asks about you often and has maintained the encouraging note that you gave him that day.

    You are nowhere near a filthy mirror that needs washing. I cannot imagine that there is a day that goes by that you are not reflecting your light brightly to at least one someone, somewhere.
    In the spirit of Thanksgiving. I am thankful for you! Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!


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