“I Am Loved”

A friend sends a link to her blog about overcoming adversity through embracing challenge and then follows her first e-mail with a second expressing concern that she might have been insensitive.  I have no idea what your daily struggle just to walk entails. . .

I am loved.

My son has a good day and calls to share his feelings.

I am loved.

My sister Joyce rings my cell at random times “just to make sure you are all right”.

I am loved.

Paula and Sheldon surprise me with a vase of flowers left my porch.

I am loved.

Someone approaches me at a meeting to place a hand on my arm and compliment my writing.  I read your blog every day.  Thank you for sharing your stories and your journey.

I AM LOVED.

A dying old man holds my hand and tells me, I love you, honey, and I carry that with me because I do not doubt its truth.  I whisper back, holding his aging eyes with mine:  I love you too.  I keep that in my heart: A gem which compensates for all that life has withheld or, worse, once given and then wrenched from my arms.

Know this:  I, too, am loved.  And I have loved.  Nothing else matters.

I have journeyed far; struggled mightily; slogged through months of inner turmoil; begged the heavens to account for my feelings of abandonment and loneliness.  But on the far side of that volley of bitter complaint, one message remains. I might not rise to certain standards spat in my face.  I cannot pretend to be rich, clever, accomplished, beautiful, or anyone’s ideal.  I’m haggard, worn, clumsy, overly-sensitive, stubborn, and nervous.  I’m no catch.  I’m difficult at best and some would say, hardly worth the tenacity that endurance requires.

But whatever else one might say of me, one must also concede, however grudgingly, that I am loved.

It’s the eighteenth day of the twenty-ninth month of My Year Without Complaining.  Life continues.

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The red crystal vase from my grandmother Beulah Hayes Corley holds a metal rose which my son Patrick bought for me at the Ren Fest many years ago.  The beer stein which I gave my favorite curmudgeon early in my acquaintance with him holds a red rose which Patrick bought me at Disney World and two silk roses from the wedding last weekend of Jilli Nel and Chris Myers.  When I surround myself with tokens of love, I believe that love still reigns.

3 thoughts on ““I Am Loved”

    1. ccorleyjd365 Post author

      Your comment — much welcomed — illustrates one problem with blogging. I could not possibly mention everyone! Thank you for your friendship, my cousin/friend.

      Reply

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