How’s that working for you?

I’ve noticed that the more firmly entrenched in an attitude people become, the more resistant they are to changing even a dysfunctional response.  The grim set of their jaws, the permanent scowl, the hunch of their shoulders — all signal that they have resolved not to live a life of self-reflection.  They start each sentence with, “I’ve always….”, “I never…”, or “I don’t….” and in response, I think, How’s that working for you?  Sometimes I ask the question outloud, usually to my deep chagrin.  It’s not a query to which most respond with good-natured laughter.

I’ve turned this question upon myself in recent months.  I’ve always been a person to champion small causes.  I’ve prided myself in protesting the tiniest of slights.  A friend told me last night, you’ve never been one to complain! but that friend must wear rose-colored glasses.  Though I would not, in the past, have admitted to being a whiner, I see that the label suited me quite well.

I’ve been standing in front of a mirror rimmed in gilt-painted wood.  I’ve seen the scowl on my own face; the tightness of my own jaw; the glare hovering in my own eyes.  I’ve fluttered those eyes shut and listened to the cold rattle of an icy heart and thought, How’s that working for you?

I’ve let the answer wash through me.  Its resonance is unmistakeable.  Not very well.

The journey continues.  I remain resolute:  My year without complaining, month three.  The sun’s still shining.

And just to prove that there is gladness in my heart, here’s a picture of me, with a dear friend of mine, Cindy Cieplik, whose smile always inspires me:

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One thought on “How’s that working for you?

  1. Cindy Cieplik

    “I’ve been standing in front of a mirror rimmed in gilt-painted wood. I’ve seen the scowl on my own face; the tightness of my own jaw; the glare hovering in my own eyes. I’ve fluttered those eyes shut and listened to the cold rattle of an icy heart and thought, How’s that working for you?”

    Your writing has a ton of impact on me!

    I appreciate your transparency with your journey, and thanks for the kind words and posting our photo–it’s one of my favorites!

    Enjoy your Sunday~XO
    Cindy

    Reply

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