Posted here for my followers who are not also on Facebook:
A friend, Bunny Gray, introduced me to The Queen Code, which I peruse whenever I get a chance. Bunny posts various things from The Queen Code on her FB page and I always find a kernel of truth if not more and a connection to my own life, in what she shares. Today in perusing the QC FB page, I found the below-appearing saying along with a beautiful quote from Maya Angelou.
Now, please: Don’t think this is a sideways stab at a failed friendship or a situation that didn’t work out, because nothing of the sort sprang to mind when I saw this quote!!!
What this saying prompted me to consider were the mantras of self-condemnation that I play in my head, and which I think are my biggest downfall. I defeat my best intentions by assuming that I will fail in anything I undertake unless I am doing something for someone else. When trying to help others, I scratch until my fingers bleed trying to succeed — and even so, if I am less than 100% successful in my efforts to aid others, I castigate myself endlessly.
But when I am doing for myself — planning, budgeting, buying, creating, connecting — solely to benefit myself, I actually sabotage the efforts. My failures in my endeavors to improve myself often stem from self-fulfilling prophecy, I think. Somewhere deep inside, I don’t expect to succeed, so I do not. Oh, certainly, some of my efforts would fall flat even if I believed in myself whole-heartedly. But I don’t believe in myself, and so the percentage of failure is increased by my own lack of conviction in the potential for accomplishment.
A client who became a friend once told me that I was the only thing holding myself back from being wildly successful in all my endeavors. I did not believe him then, but I do now.
Thank you again to Bunny Gray for sharing the QC’s FB page and to the author of the Queen Code for collecting so much inspiration in one place. Along with many other sources of keen insight and encouragement, I’m taking this one into my heart. “One of the hardest things in life is to admit that what I believe is real, i.e., that I am worthless, is nothing but my own lack of faith in myself; and to let go of that belief.” And the sooner I change that belief, and see that my worthlessness is a myth that I wear around me like a shroud, the sooner this Queen will claim her throne.
Or at least, her chance to shine.
This really resonates! I think many of us can say the same.
I am learning that my negative mantras constitute complaining about myself. My friend Pat Reynolds constantly tells me that my complaining about myself is the only complaining which I do that bothers her. This is a deep-rooted issue. I know it’s a female-thing; I don’t know if men have these problems — maybe it’s a human condition. Probably. I understand the roots of mine, but understanding the roots of the problem is only the beginning. I have to embrace my virtues rather than just dwelling on my failings! Easier said than done, but I am learning. I hear my favorite curmudgeon’s voice saying, “Oh, honey, I love you, you know that!” and somehow, I feel a bit less . . . a bit more. . . well. I feel joy, knowing that I have been loved despite my failures, and by someone without a genetic connection to me that bespeaks of the requirement of “unconditional love”, like a mother, father, or child. My friends do it, too — and I encourage everyone to count those blessings if they begin to doubt their worth!