Year’s End

My friends,

I began this blog about “My Year Without Complaining” as an homage to my mother-in-law, Joanna Mitchell MacLaughlin.  Joanna died on 08 October 2013 after six months of decline during which I shared the care of her with her professional caregivers, her husband and children, and other family members and friends.  I had gotten it into my head that I could impact her decline by daily visits, projects to keep her mind engaged, and bringing familiar and loved objects into her increasingly foggy world.  I have no idea why I convinced myself that I could save Joanna, but convinced I was; and my efforts intensified as her condition worsened.

I failed.  My mother-in-law died as she had lived:  Sweetly, kindly, softly.

During her illness,   my father-in-law Jabez Jackson MacLaughlin and I developed a friendship which neither of us had anticipated.  Our only similarities or common bonds lay in the bed at the Sweet Life and in the eyes of his son and daughter; and in the hearts of his grandchildren.  We shared nothing other than the love we both felt for the members of the MacLaughlin / McCoskrie clan.  But that love proved sufficient to provide a rock-solid foundation for our friendship.  We put aside our differences and came to love one another.

And then: He died too, on 05 November 2014.  Again, despite my best efforts, Jay passed from this world with dignity and little fanfare other than the kind ministrations of those who loved him — including me.

Between Joanna’s death and Jay’s death, much happened to me.  My life took such sharp and overwhelming turns that I still reel at the thought of the changes that I’ve had to weather.  Sometimes my astonishment at the paths I have walked nauseates me; sometimes I laugh so hard that tears run down my face.

My mother used to say, “God only gives you as much as he thinks you can bear, and evidently he thinks you are pretty strong.”  She might be right.  But what I have borne, I could not have begun to endure without the people who love me; and I have thanked them, publicly and privately, for all that they have done even at great sacrifice to themselves.

I began this blog with the intention of going an entire year without complaining.  I cannot really say that I have gone one day without voicing some complaint — whether outloud or in  my heart.  I have learned, however; and I have changed; and I have grown.

My ex-husband, Dennis Lisenby, marveled at this undertaking.  He said, You are doing something publicly that I am afraid to do privately.  While I doubt his fear of personal growth, I certainly appreciated his compliment.  But I am not as convinced that what I’ve done is brave, as I am certain that what I have done was indispensable.  The course I had set for myself could not have taken me anywhere but spiraling into an abyss, a bottomless pit of desolation and despair, loneliness and longing.

Last June, I created an inspiration board for myself.  I tucked a few photographs and a couple of cards from various people on the board, and photographed it.  Over the last six months, I have added to it — notes from Jessica who lived with me for three months; cards from people encouraging me on my journey to healing; little notes from this person or that; more photographs of people who inspire me.   The board hangs in my kitchen where I see it every day.  I draw my strength from it.

I also draw strength from the angels in my life, both human and divine.  Without those angels, I would have surrendered this effort almost before embarking on it.  Each time I felt that I could not keep trying, could not forge forward, one of my angels appeared to encourage me.  They called, they wrote, they texted; they laughed, they cajoled, they prayed.  I cannot ask for more than they gave me; I cannot express how humbled I am by what they did for me.

I intend to continue this journey.  Today, I lost my temper at the rudeness of a bank clerk.  She had not only treated me rudely, she treated another customer rudely, also.  I felt so sorry for him; but I did not deal with her in the empathetic nonviolent way that I strive to espouse.  As I left the bank, I heard my son’s voice saying, Find your empathy.  I know I have a long way to go, but at least the new tape running in my head does eventually engage.  It does not yet come naturally to me, but I am learning.

For anyone who wants to read about the principles of Non-violent Communication by which I am striving to live, here’s a link to the Center for Non-Violent Communication.  I recommend starting with Marshall Rosenberg’s videos on YouTube, beginning with the first video in what my son and I call “the red shirt series”, because Dr. Rosenberg wears a red shirt in the videos.  The version of the series which I watch has been broken down into manageable portions, starting here.

I will close with my very best wishes to each and every person who reads this, for a joyous, prosperous, happy, and safe New Year.  I am posting this late in the evening of 30 December 2014 as my “New Year” post.  Many of you will read this on December 31st; and that’s my intention.  My next post will be on 01 January 2015, right here on this blog, My Year Without Complaining.  You may think of 2015 as my second year trying to live non-violently, and without complaint.  But my posts will celebrate the joyfulness of the world around me, including whatever people I encounter as I go forward in my year.

For your enjoyment, I offer some photos of people who inspired me, starting with my beloved in-laws, Jay and Joanna MacLaughlin.  They became parents to me; and I became their daughter-in-law in my heart just as I had done on paper when I married their son.  But more:  they gave me unconditional love, despite my faults, despite my failings, despite my sorrow, despite my strange ways.  I will never forget them.  Their love for me; and mine for them; sustained me through this, my year trying to learn not to complain; and I expect that it will sustain me all the rest of my days.

Jay and Joanna MacLaughlin

Jay and Joanna MacLaughlin

Inspiration Board as it is now.

Inspiration Board as it is now.

My Inspiration Board:

My inspiration board when I first made it.

My inspiration board when I first made it.

As you can see ….. It has grown!

 

 

 

 

Here are a few photos of some of the people and places that have touched my life, this year and over time.  There are so many more; I apologize to anyone who does not see their photo here — it might be that I just do not have a photo of you.  I also apologize for any lay-out issues from device to device.  One day, I hope to learn WordPress!  Until that time, please enjoy these pictures of those whom I love, and who love me.  My life is filled with  joy because of them and others, whose pictures are not here but who nonetheless inspire me.

“I keep your heart; I keep it in  my heart.”  (e e cummings)

Brian and Trudy Aldridge

Brian and Trudy Aldridge

ellenandcc

Ellen Carnie and myself.

farm

Fog in the morning at Carnie’s Honker Springs Farm.

eliewiesel

Mr. Wiesel’s writing inspires me.

 

Doesn't everybody have Lego parties?

Doesn’t everybody have Lego parties?

friends

Suite 100 art openings brought out loyal friends, including Elizabeth Unger Carlisle and David Johnson, two lawyers whom I consider to be among the most honest, ethical, and gracious humans on the planet, bar none.

legospaula

Paula Kenyon-Vogt and her grandson Chaska Vogt, at the Holmes House Lego party.  I don’t have a picture of Paula’s husband, Sheldon; but I am forever in his debt. He rescued me one night when I was so close to the edge that the abyss nearly claimed me.

josh

Joshua Burch, the young man who walks my dog and has been responsible for her becoming so healthy that we could cut her seizure medication in half. Isn’t his smile radiant?

One of my longest-standing friends, Carla Romere, and her wife, Molly Williams.

One of my longest-standing friends, Carla Romere (right), and her wife, Molly Williams (left).

wonderwoman

Jessica Genzer, aka Wonder Woman, and her son, Addao.

jessandaddao

The Island Girl.

addoaandpatrick

Jessica’s son Addao and my son Patrick get serious about cookie decorating.

janeandcc

This is Jane Williams (left) and myself. This picture actually is two years (or more) old, but since I could not have gotten through this year without Jane, I had to include it.

patrickandcc

Patrick and me. I don’t know why I like this picture so much, but it seems to be quintessential Corley.

cindyandcc

Cindy Cieplik has single-handedly inspired me to harness my negativity and launch it to the moon. Or somewhere far, far away. I’m not there yet, but I still look to succeed and with Cindy’s smile beside me, how can I fail?

paulorso

My son, my cousin Paul Orso, and me. Paul, a musician and a truly great guy, has ALS and bears it with a grace that I can only admire, never attain.

cindyshouse

Cindy Cieplik hosts “The Wellness Table”, a time for people to gather and share their experiences striving to lead a healthy life.

kathy

This was taken at one gathering of my women’s supper group. At center, Kathy Alongi who passed away this fall. Rest In Peace, my lovely friend.

joannasflowers

During Jay’s last illness, I visited Joanna’s resting place as often as I could, bringing her favorite roses, and sharing pictures with him. He often sent me messages to give her — which I faithfully delivered.

pennyandccgoodshot

Penny Thieme, pictured here with me in my Sturgis shirt, helped me learn to accept myself through photographing myself smiling.

corleyposes

When my son and I get together, we cannot help but laugh. I love many people, but as every mother knows, a child gets that special, unconditional love. Patrick got me started learning NVC, and inspires me to keep learning and to find my empathetic place.

Caitlin Taggart, whose Mother's Day Cards bring me to tears every year.  What a beautiful soul.

Caitlin Taggart, whose Mother’s Day Cards bring me to tears every year. What a beautiful soul.

Tshandra White, one of my shared daughters.

Tshandra White, one of my shared daughters.

Katrina Taggart, Ross Taggart, and Cait's Bryan, to whom she is now engaged.  The Taggart family has done so much for me -- I cannot ever thank them enough!

Katrina Taggart, Ross Taggart, and Cait’s Bryan, to whom she is now engaged. The Taggart family has done so much for me — I cannot ever thank them enough!

Chris Taggart and his lady, Sam; my "second son".

Chris Taggart and his lady, Sam; my “second son”.

Jennie Taggart Wandfluh might not appreciate this photo, but it is so "Jennie" that I smile every time I see it.

Jennie Taggart Wandfluh might not appreciate this photo, but it is so “Jennie” that I smile every time I see it.

This is my niece, Chelsea Rae Booker.  When I think of smiles and the key to everything, her lovely face crowds my mind along with the faces of many in  my family-by-birth and the various branches of my family-by-choice.  I'm posting her picture here because she shines so brightly in this photo.

This is my niece, Chelsea Rae Booker. When I think of smiles and the key to everything, her lovely face crowds my mind along with the faces of many in my family-by-birth and the various branches of my family-by-choice.

"The" Alan White, with the incomparable and lovely Jessica Genzer.

“The” Alan White, with the incomparable and lovely Jessica Genzer.

The message from Cindy.

My angel (on reverse) coin from Cindy Cieplik.  Many people give me angel coins, and I try to hold them all, fast, to remind me of the love of the giver. This one slipped out of my pocket one day,and is in the Universe somewhere, waiting to be claimed by one who needs it.  Thank you, Cindy.

Marcella Womack and me.  Marcella lived next door to me a hundred years ago and remains a dear and beloved friend.

Marcella Womack and me. Marcella lived next door to me a hundred years ago and remains a dear and beloved friend.

Just because she's so adorable, here's a picture of a happy girl: Nora Wandfluh, daughter of Jennie and Brett Wandfluh, and one of the little angels in my life. Nora always smiles when she sees me and says, "Hi, Auntie Corinne!" So this picture of her just makes me smile, too.

Just because she’s so adorable, here’s a picture of a happy girl: Nora Wandfluh, daughter of Jennie and Brett Wandfluh, and one of the little angels in my life. Nora always smiles when she sees me and says, “Hi, Auntie Corinne!” So this picture of her just makes me smile, too.

Paula Kenyon-Vogt and her grandson Brody (James Broderick).

Paula Kenyon-Vogt and her grandson Brody (James Broderick).

My niece Amy Barrale Broch and her husband, Harlan Broch.  Fitting subjects with which to hint at how rich my life is.  My son and I enjoyed a fabulous dinner with them while we were in St. Louis for the Thanksgiving holiday.

My niece Amy Barrale Broch and her husband, Harlan Broch. Fitting subjects with which to hint at how rich my life is. My son and I enjoyed a fabulous dinner with them while we were in St. Louis for the Thanksgiving holiday.

5 thoughts on “Year’s End

  1. ccorleyjd365 Post author

    Fair enough. I had a picture of them but it was in my old phone which got smashed when I took a hard fall. Next time I wear them, I will take another photograph. My photos of your Thanksgiving were there too. I only saved those which had been uploaded to dropbox or posted elsewhere. But you, too, my Puma, have been a support to me; and thank you.

    CC

    Reply
  2. Cindy Cieplik

    What a beautiful, straightforward, and inspiring post. Corinne~you inspire me, and have done so since we first met. Receiving regular glimpses of your personal growth is a privilege. I wish you a personally productive and abundant year, with improved health. May you continue to share your passion and empathy anywhere you are pulled to do so. (oh, and work on getting your writing published, will you?!?) 🙂
    With love and respect,
    Cindy

    Reply
  3. ccorleyjd365 Post author

    I do not have a picture of Pat Reynolds, but she deserves special mention for her loyalty, friendship, care, and concern. Thank you, Yorkie Law!

    CC

    Reply

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